Your dad touched me again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
