Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
