I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
