mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
