I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
