Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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