Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
