His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am spending my child support on dildos
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
