This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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