so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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