Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
