Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
