Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
