She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
