fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
