Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
