Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
