Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?

(206): View more from Washington

neither do i

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

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(856): View more from New Jersey

We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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(302): View more from Delaware

do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?

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(804): View more from Virginia

Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"

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(970): View more from Colorado

I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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(804): View more from Virginia

Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

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(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.

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