People with herpes should wear stickers.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
