How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
