she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
