he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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