I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
