her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
