4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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