I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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