i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Couch. On fire.
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