I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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