He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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