So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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