Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize