Umm I'm too high to move.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
