meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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