I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
