the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
