don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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