You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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