how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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