I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
