I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
