Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
