She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
