new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
