The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
