physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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