Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
