at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
