It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her vagine was all disorganized.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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