Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
