Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
