I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
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I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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