Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
