Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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