no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.