he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.