i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.