Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9

Replies (4) Good night (1587) Bad night (603)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

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(601): I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water. http://tfl.nu/8w2r

Replies (42) Good night (5115) Bad night (982)
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(303): View more from Colorado

At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

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(303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci

Replies (27) Good night (8125) Bad night (1044)
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(917): View more from New York City

under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

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(917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx

Replies (52) Good night (5953) Bad night (2075)
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(216): View more from Ohio

There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.

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(216): There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us. http://tfl.nu/2y42

Replies (4) Good night (1781) Bad night (774)
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(706): View more from Georgia

He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?

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(706): He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/9suz

Replies (33) Good night (1570) Bad night (5029)
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(360): View more from Washington

When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.

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(360): When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers. http://tfl.nu/l0o6

Replies (9) Good night (567) Bad night (2607)
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(519): View more from Ontario

he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.

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(519): he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint. http://tfl.nu/fup1

Replies (4) Good night (1387) Bad night (617)
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(406): View more from Montana

I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

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(406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2

Replies (3) Good night (1845) Bad night (598)
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(805): View more from California

My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.

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(805): My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit. http://tfl.nu/alyo

Replies (9) Good night (1986) Bad night (956)
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(512): View more from Texas

So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.

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(512): So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands. http://tfl.nu/oa75

Replies (6) Good night (1495) Bad night (779)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.

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(201): This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw. http://tfl.nu/lq9h

Replies (7) Good night (816) Bad night (1133)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party

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(519): I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party http://tfl.nu/i9gg

Replies (4) Good night (1579) Bad night (536)
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(530): View more from California

Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.

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(530): Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important. http://tfl.nu/xc0u

Replies (7) Good night (1793) Bad night (538)
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(480): View more from Arizona

This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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(480): This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help. http://tfl.nu/vra3

Replies (5) Good night (468) Bad night (550)

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