Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.

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  (916): People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks. http://tfl.nu/z8b4
  Replies (3) Good night (953) Bad night (498)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.

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  (281): Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body. http://tfl.nu/21yt
  Replies (21) Good night (4342) Bad night (592)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.

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  (214): I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution. http://tfl.nu/bahd
  Replies (12) Good night (707) Bad night (3964)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

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  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4741) Bad night (1035)
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  (626): View more from California

  Dignity is for republicans.

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  (626): Dignity is for republicans. http://tfl.nu/vkse
  Replies (39) Good night (4964) Bad night (1642)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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  (314): In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk. http://tfl.nu/6bmy
  Replies (28) Good night (6970) Bad night (1007)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.

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  (770): If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door? (910): That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating? (770): Touche. (910): I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR. http://tfl.nu/rwye
  Replies (6) Good night (4036) Bad night (914)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified

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  (603): More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified http://tfl.nu/si7g
  Replies (5) Good night (1570) Bad night (662)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.

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  (314): Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes. http://tfl.nu/vcgn
  Replies (2) Good night (1552) Bad night (651)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.

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  (618): He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero (618): I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/8x23
  Replies (16) Good night (2922) Bad night (682)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future

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  (516): Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future http://tfl.nu/gu0v
  Replies (15) Good night (986) Bad night (1808)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke

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  (724): i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke http://tfl.nu/zqlg
  Replies (2) Good night (608) Bad night (962)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?

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  (770): Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again? http://tfl.nu/c4dt
  Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (416)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios

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  (315): It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios http://tfl.nu/u2ql
  Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (262)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.

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  (978): I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset. http://tfl.nu/hk8f
  Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (157)

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