Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

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  (610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. http://tfl.nu/sziy
  Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (2020)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (878) Bad night (3503)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"

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  (352): I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W" http://tfl.nu/d9h9
  Replies (17) Good night (4281) Bad night (1045)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.

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  (469): In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar. http://tfl.nu/7dw6
  Replies (5) Good night (2431) Bad night (1115)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.

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  (847): I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink. http://tfl.nu/akmh
  Replies (3) Good night (2448) Bad night (1324)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?

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  (701): Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it? http://tfl.nu/2zni
  Replies (9) Good night (2752) Bad night (1176)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope

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  (678): I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope http://tfl.nu/y4eb
  Replies (3) Good night (1620) Bad night (836)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later

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  (717): check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later http://tfl.nu/adck
  Replies (8) Good night (2563) Bad night (894)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13

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  (781): after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13 http://tfl.nu/mex2
  Replies (7) Good night (1325) Bad night (2560)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge

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  (519): There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge http://tfl.nu/5e7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1616) Bad night (751)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

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  (619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by... http://tfl.nu/g8gw
  Replies (9) Good night (3868) Bad night (803)
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  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (1098) Bad night (423)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.

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  (479): I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home. http://tfl.nu/t2fg
  Replies (7) Good night (393) Bad night (887)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.

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  (662): I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel. http://tfl.nu/sldw
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (345)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy

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  (425): I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy http://tfl.nu/ow8c
  Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (357)

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