im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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