I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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